Snuggle with the Uncomfortable

Leadership:  It’s in the snuggle that your capacity to handle the uncomfortable will grow.

I’m afraid of heights.

My body sends me signals like increased heart rate, sweaty palms, holding my breath and a metallic taste in my mouth (adrenaline).

Heights make me feel uncomfortable. That’s why I often use “height” in my work with leaders. Practicing “uncomfortable” is like going to the gym. It never gets easier because you are always moving the bar, but the muscle grows.

When I became a firefighter, I knew that I would occasionally have to work at heights that made me uncomfortable.  What I didn’t know was that the training would be far worse than any actual emergency.

One year our training department decided that we were all going to practice a life saving skill that involved quickly exiting a burning building from a 2^nd story window. The drill involved throwing oneself face first out a second story window, down a ladder to the pavement below in full firefighting gear.

There were so many injuries, the Chief said they couldn’t do it again!

I survived without serious injury and was thrilled that particular drill wouldn’t be repeated.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was building a muscle.

Annually we were required to rappel down the side of our 5-story training tower - from the roof.  This involved putting on a full body harness (so if you fall, you won’t be upside down hanging from the rope) and being attached to both the main line and the belay line (the safety rope if the main line fails).

When given the hand signal, you were required to move your body weight off the parapet of the roof, while turning to face the building and placing your boots against the building wall – all while about 55 feet off the ground.

There is a 4 to 6 inch “fall” that would happen as your body weight became supported by the harness and the rigging.

It is in that 4-to-6-inch fall that you have zero control. Either the harness holds you or it doesn’t.  You are either “safe” or you are falling toward the ground.

That’s where, as leaders, you get to snuggle with the uncomfortable.

We know intellectually that the harness and rigging will hold us. And our body is still sending us messages that we are about to die!

Most people think it’s about ignoring the messages your body is sending you.

It’s not.

The key is to Hear and Feel your body’s message and DECIDE to snuggle with the discomfort anyway.

It’s in the snuggle that your capacity to handle the uncomfortable will grow. 

Pushing it down or ignoring it isn’t likely to grow your capacity. High Achievers can do that all day long.  It’s your capacity to feel the discomfort and stay fully present that will deepen your ability to lead through hard, challenging situations.

You don’t need confidence.  That comes after lots of snuggles.  You need the courage to feel the 4” to 6” fall.

After all, real leadership is about making hard decisions when you don’t have all the answers.  Having all the answers isn’t leadership, it’s following a checklist.